2006: A Look Back

The following review of 2006's event appeared in early March of last year on an entirely different blog.

Well, Qanimaliqpunga 2006 has come and gone, and with it the first weekend of March. Like the month of March itself, Qanimaliqpunga creeps in like a mouse and goes out like some sort of horrible vomiting lion. It's too early, of course, to assess the relative success or failure of this year's event, but given that it's two days later and everyone is still a little sick, signs point towards "rousing success." I know the combination ice cream headache/sucrose overdose/martini buzz was far different from the effects I felt after the second day of the 2005 event.

The 2006 Malibu Rum 'Qpungie Awards

• The University of Lawsonomy Award for the Strong Start: Jon, who drank five girl drinks in half an hour.
• The Tonya Harding Award for Good Sportsmanship: Al, who graciously allowed me to "win" the competition.
• The Full Metal Jacket Award for the Apt Analogy: Mick, who proclaimed that the Bahama Mama "tastes like bananas and ass."
• The Kathy Bates in Misery Award for Team Spirit: Robin, Kirsten, and Erin, who failed to stop any of this.
• The Good Alibi Award for Common Sense and Avoidance: Audrey

Ultimately, to paraphrase a poor-taste internet quip, finishing Qanimaliqpunga is like competing in the Special Olympics; even if you win, you're still retarded.

Useful Inuktitut phrases in the wake of Qanimaliqpunga:

Taqqavunga: "I have had enough of whatever we are doing"
Naanguvunga: "I have a pain in my belly"
Angirraqsiqpunga: "I want to go home"
Avinganik takujumavunga: "I want to see lemmings"
Qimmit patamajugungnarpara?: "Is it OK to touch or slap your dogs?"
Qanapavqiqissa: "If it's not too much trouble, please assure that the bartender has included pineapple juice in the Mai Tai cocktail I am being forced to drink"(*)

You know, early March is probably the wrong time to swear off green-colored booze.

(*) I made this up.