April 1- April 7 , 2007!
In comments from this week, Keith Richards claimed to have mixed some of his father's ashes with cocaine and then snorted them. Said Keef: "He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared ... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive." That Keith Richards is one crazy zombie-pirate, I tell you what.
I guess I have been wondering what he's been up to since the Rolling Stones broke up back in 1982, after Tattoo You. (Or should have.)
At any rate, here's how to make a Keith Richards' Dad:
- Obtain some cocaine. I honestly have no idea how you would do this. If you know any investment bankers or theme park carnies or Richard Dawson, I would start there.
- Find the urn containing the remaining, um, remains of Keith Richards' dad. In this case, I would look either in the galley of Keith's fantasy pirate airship or possibly somewhere within Anita Pallenberg.
- Mix the cocaine with the residue that once was Bert Richards.
- Snort?
In the same AP news article, Keef calls himself "lucky." He says -- presumably though some sort of Richards to English interpreter -- "I was No. 1 on the `who's likely to die' list for 10 years. I mean, I was really disappointed when I fell off the list." That wasn't a list you fell out of, Keef, it was a f*cking coconut tree.
For those who'd like to see what Keith Richards looks like today, pull up some of the pictures of "sour toes" and imagine them wearing a vest.
Here's a list of people whose fathers might be smokeable:
- Rae Dawn Chong (daughter of Tommy)
- Stella McCartney (daughter of Paul)
- Sean Lennon (son of John)
- Clyde Burroughs (son of William S.)
- Kenny S. Thompson (son of Hunter S.)
- Trip Leary (son of Timothy)
- Sherry Garcia (daughter of Jerry)
- Carmine Dawson (son of Richard)
Further Resources:
- Kurt Schwantz will smoke anything!
- Area Stoners Mistakenly Hold Massive Kemp Rally!
- Ask Keith
No comments:
Post a Comment